Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
