we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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