I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
