She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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