Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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