so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
