so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
