i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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