The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
