A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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