Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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