I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
