I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
