4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
