It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
