i just wanna soil my oats bro
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
