You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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