i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
