I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
