my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
