Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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