of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
