Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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