I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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