Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
