My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
