Are we in a gay sports bar?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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