): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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