when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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