my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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