His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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