You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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