His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
