I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
