She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Operation Purity has been aborted
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
