She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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