I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you still have your period?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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