Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
is that a dick in a sweater?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
