he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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