My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Randomize
