To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
