ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize