So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
