I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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