i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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