Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
BRING THE BAGELS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
