I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
