I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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