PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
