I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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