They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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