i think i have herpe
just one?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
