What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize