see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
