Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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