At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
