Me. At least after what I've been through.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
