I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
