clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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