I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
