she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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