I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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