Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
