I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
