How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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