So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
