Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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